Tall, Dark, and Dead – 82 – Bowery at Midnight
Title: Bowery at Midnight
Director: Wallace Fox
Leads: Bela Lugosi, John Archer, Wanda McKay
Favorite quote: “Just tell ‘em where you’re from.”
“From? Oh…I’m a transient.”
Thoughts: Lugosi! Lugosi! Lugosi!
I’m just going to talk about Bela Lugosi, because I have no idea what this movie was about! I’m going to use lots of exclamation marks to make up for this fact!
Lugosi runs the best soup kitchen ever! Lugosi’s soup kitchen is secretly full of 1940s pulp spy technology! Lugosi’s soup kitchen apparently has bylaws that require all of the hobos to wear fedoras! I thoroughly support this!
Lugosi is an accented psychology professor by day, and a hobo-recruiter by night! He forces his hobo army to perform robberies, little caring if they live or die!
Lugosi is the doting husband of a surprisingly plain woman! I only call her this because I would have physically grafted myself to his arm had I been born seventy years earlier, and I think I’m a little cuter than she is!
Lugosi gives the bodies of his dead hobo-criminals to an alcoholic/drug-addled mad scientist who is running unseen, undetailed experiments concerning reanimation! I think! It’s never explained! This is still in the soup kitchen!
Lugosi does this because he doesn’t know how far the experiments have gone! Lugosi thinks that Mr. Mad Scientist is merely burying the bodies in the basement! With headstones and everything! In a completely accessible room in the basement of a public soup kitchen! Because it’s just common sense to label the bodies of the people you’ve murdered when you hide them not ten feet from where you work!
Lugosi meets his end when it is revealed that the reanimated men are hanging out in the sub-basement of the soup kitchen! They don’t look terribly rotted at all! In fact, they look fairly normal! But apparently they eat him anyway!
Lugosi is thus sadly unavailable the day one of the freed reanimated corpses marries his girlfriend! The zombie fellow looks nothing at all like a zombie, but by the logic and laws of this movie he is one, which means this movie includes zombie love and marriage! Yay!
Lugosi is the immortal spokesman for hair pomade!
I totally want this movie as downloadable content in L.A. Noire!