Tall, Dark, and Dead – 36 – Zombi 3 / Zombie Flesh Eaters 2

Title: Zombi 3 / Zombie Flesh Eaters 2
Year: 1988
Director: Lucio Fulci
Leads: Deran Sarafian, Beatrice Ring

Favorite quote: “A week ago this place was buzzing with life…now it’s buzzing with flies.”

Thoughts: I took a surprising amount of notes for something this bad.

Seriously – the horrendous acting, compounded by the horrendous dubbing, made watching Zombi 3 really difficult. I couldn’t tell you the number of times I had to pause it and wait for my teeth to stop aching. This is the worst of the 80s, right here.

It isn’t the zombies’ fault, though. In addition to the fact that they were much squishier this time around, fresher and more active, there were a few standout zombie stars. The manic zombie with the machete comes to mind. Usage of tools, people! Intelligence! Hello?

It was just the sheer stupidity of the plot. The fact that it then, to add insult to injury, plodded. It was the woman who became a zombie after being tossed through a window by one (defenestration transmission?) and the zombie who was beheaded by a wooden board. It was the pregnant woman (there’s always a pregnant woman, isn’t there?). The infamous attacking head. The zombies hiding under haystacks. I wish I were making this up.

I did like DJ Blue Heart, though – or, as I like to think of him, The Voice of God. (I swear on my English degree, I will spin some meaning out of this tripe.) By the end of the film he’s “crossed over to the other side,” thus becoming an ably-employed, skilled zombie. He even dedicates a number to the other undead – cute! This was the only redeeming moment in the entire movie.

Links: Zombi 3 at IMDB
Zombi 3 on Wikipedia

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