Tall, Dark, and Dead – 28 – Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave

Title: Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave
Year: 2006
Director: Ellory Elkayem
Leads: John Keefe, Aimee-Lynn Chadwick, Peter Coyote

Favorite quote: “Well, do you have any idea what the hell this is?”
“Maybe it’s candy? Like a big metallic pinata?”

Thoughts: You so owe me.

There’s so much grade-A Stupid ™ in Rave that I find myself stymied by just how to report it, and wondering if I should even try. I mean, not only will it be challenging to convey, but it’s also of a level where I really doubt that anyone would honestly believe me. Between the evil uncle administering Trioxin 5 to corpses via a respiratory mask (what are they going to do, breathe it in?), the Russian hit men reporting that five zombies are worth a case of Cristal and a trip to EuroDisney on the black market (seriously? A world economics joke?), and the creation of a rave drug out of Trioxin 5 that users say is comparable to ecstasy (but, but…original zombies…wanted brains to ease pain of being dead…help), and the zombie gerbils…yeah.

The only thing that made Rave a little bit more watchable than Necropolis for me was…I don’t even know what to call him. I can’t even find him listed under the credits on IMDB. Tar Man Two? I think I’ll call him Vat Boy. Tar Man and Vat Boy! (Someone please draw this for me.) At any rate, Vat Boy, an obvious rip-off of the far superior Tar Man, was not only awesomely designed, but capable of writing fairly well and attempting to hitchhike. Further evidence for my contention that many zombies are intelligent.

Oh, and in this movie, scratches cause zombies. We see the same thing in the first Resident Evil movies. I’m going to have to trace this idea, at some point.

But first, I need to lie down.

Links: ROTLD5 at IMDB
ROTLD5 on Wikipedia

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