Tall, Dark, and Dead – 27 – Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis
Title: Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis
Director: Ellory Elkayem
Leads: John Keefe, Aimee-Lynn Chadwick, Peter Coyote
Favorite quote: “What’s with the zombie petting zoo?”
Thoughts: Well. I’ve put it off long enough. Time to pay the piper.
You know how I pretty much hate this branch of the zombie family tree? Brain-eating, Trioxin, the whole deal?
Yeeeeah. Four and five are the worst installments. Four and five are two of the worst zombie films ever. Period. End of debate. They are actually almost physically painful to sit through.
But I did it – for you. I did it for you.
You owe me.
ROTLD4 and ROTLD5 mark a turn in the Return series. No longer are we working with pure Trioxin, but some derivative chemical called Trioxin 5. Unfortunately for us, this chemical produces zombies which are far, far lamer than the first generation of Trizoms. I still have no idea what the thought process behind this change was, as the movies are now populated by stupid, inarticulate, weak walking dead who can easily be taken out with a few bullets. You don’t even have to aim for the head. At least in the original Return, you had to worry about independently-motivated body parts coming after you.
And not only that – the living characters in Necropolis are so incredibly daft and irritating that I spent most of my time actively rooting for each one of them to die, and was supremely disappointed to find that some of them did not. I mean, these are people who were ostensibly born into a world filled with zombies – at least if you go by the Hybra Tech commercial that’s constantly flashing across their television screens. And yet, when confronted with a zombie, they do not recognize it as such? They haven’t been warned about the possibility of meeting one at some point during their lives, and taught about the actions they may have to take to defend themselves? God, their educational system sucks.
Ugh. There’s just so much wrong with this movie, when compared to the three that came before, that I shouldn’t bother harping on it. I ought to treat it as a completely separate entry in the zombie canon. I mean, the enslaved punk zombie gladly ate the old brains it was fed, what? Russo/O’Bannon zombies need electricity from fresh bra…I give up. I need to walk away.
Let’s just say that by the time we got to the zombie with the gatling gun arm, they could not buy my love.