Tall, Dark, and Dead – 15 – Zombie Strippers
Title: Zombie Strippers
Director: Jay Lee
Leads: Jenna Jameson, Robert Englund, Roxie Saint
Favorite quote: “I remember once lying in the snow under a clear blanket of stars. There were so many stars…. You couldn’t comprehend what it was like. That vast unknowable void. But now I understand it. I feel I’m a part of it, that infinite nothingness… I wanna strip. Who’s on? F**k it, I’m gonna dance.”
Thoughts: This might be the most unabashedly pro-stripper movie I’ve ever seen. Strippers are, I have learned, philosophical heavyweights who spend their time between sets reading Nietzsche and engaging in existentialist debate.
Zombie Strippers also taught me that I should strive to die in my absolute best attire – for, once I enter the afterlife, the clothing that I am wearing will be transmogrified into an amazing version of itself. Either that, or the duty-free shoe shop in the afterlife rocks. I think the boots were hotter than the girls in this movie.
The most terrifying scene was the opening faux news crawl, during which a future is envisioned where George W. Bush is in his fourth term as president. Not even Robert Englund and all his Awesomeness could chase away the shiver that gripped me at that idea. Well done, guys. Well done. I barely even had time to think about the fact that the empowered philosophical feminist zombies are apparently caused by some sort of “chemo virus.” I still don’t know what that means. Someone explain? What the heck is a chemo virus? Why does it make you want to strip?
At least this movie features zombies unashamedly pursuing, and being successful in, the career(s) of their choice. That’s gotta be worth something.