Tall, Dark, and Dead – Introductions
Hi! I’m Lia. It’s short for Cornelia.
And I love zombies.
Why? Well, I’ve always loved monsters, and this love affair apparently started while I was in the womb. I’m told that not only did my mother read Stephen King aloud to me while she was pregnant, but that she also actually visited a little place called the Monroeville Mall. As I grew older, she raised me in a manner that would doubtless get CPS called on her today, letting me watch and read all manner of things gory and gross and violent. And I adored her for it.
So what is it specifically about zombies that I like? It’s not the inherent gore of the zombie genre that attracts me, although – believe me – I am a fan of gore. (Saw and Hostel are what my family watches in lieu of It’s a Wonderful Life, come Christmastime. Gore is good.) It’s not the grossness factor, or some weird, perverted fascination with dead flesh. It’s not even the fact that zombies are scary. Very few zombie movies are capable of genuinely scaring me.
I just…sympathize with them. I respect them. I’m interested in them, and I’m interested in what their various permutations and continued popularity say about us. The living.
I also view zombies as incredible metaphors for a variety of mental states, sociopolitical conditions, and physical ailments.
In addition, when they are in the proper mood, zombies can be hilarious as hell. The best humor is gallows humor. No exceptions.
So, the other day I decided that I ought to try and watch every zombie movie ever made, and write a short note about each.
I was really bored at the time.
This is how it’ll work. I won’t rate the films, or wax too philosophic about them, or regurgitate (ha) the plots and spoil ‘em for everyone else. I’ll just watch each film and share a few thoughts.
A little bit more about me before we get started: I’m a twenty-something writer. My hair and my eyelashes are fake, but I am very genuine. I make really good scones. I have the voice of a five-year-old and wear entirely too much pink. I get very excited about Victorian reproduction dresses and putting pennies in my Gomusic account. I am addicted to popcorn and Red Vines. I want to become an urban spelunker.
And I always root for the zombies. Always.